he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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