i think my mom watched the whole time
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
