He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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