Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
