how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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