she smelled like a LAN party
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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