false alarm. still invincible.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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