I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
