Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
