you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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