The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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