This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
