I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
