Swine flu. Run for my life!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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