Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
