WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think i have two assholes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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