At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
