i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
