He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
