i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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