Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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