so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
