I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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