You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
