i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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