I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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