WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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