why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
