dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
