i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
