...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
