I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
