it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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