So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Randomize
