You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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