I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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