drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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