We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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