Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i dont even know how to be here
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
