you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
