hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
