I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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