The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize