Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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