Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
