Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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