Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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