My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Come on in and take your pants off
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