i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
