Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
