I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
