Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
