i was born a porn star she said
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
