she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
