I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
