Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂