at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
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Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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