You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.