Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
