I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
