We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
