We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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