She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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