Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
