My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
did you just send me my own nude
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
