The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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