Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
