I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
