Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
