so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
