her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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